Me = Boned!

And not in the good way.

Last Friday, M found a stray puppy on the road on the way to work. She ended up bringing it home and was quite, "ZOMG! She's soooo cute!" We took her to the vet and unfortunately she was also afflicted with Parvo. We had to put her down and M was crushed. Insert sad smiley face. On top of that, she felt horrible about potentially exposing our dog to the disease. Hopefully the tanker truck full of bleach that I used to clean out his kennel will prevent an issues. The ground water table be damned!

Saturday she decided to go do some running around and somehow ended up at the local Humane Society. I get a text from her, "So many cute doggies here! You have to come see!"

And I did...rookie mistake. I give you Carolina. So behold, the new instrument of my doom!! (And serial drive-by pee dropper)

These Are The People In Your Neighborhood...

As I've mentioned plenty of times, I take the mutt out to dog parks quite often to run him ragged so he basically collapses when we get home. The city just reopened the dog park that's nearest to us, so I decided to check it out the other day. It was an interesting experience.

When we first get there, I'm letting Dak just cruise around and check out the park and the other dogs. Suddenly, from across the park, this...well, fat person comes wobbling over. I say person, because even at this point I can't figure out if they were male or female they were so androgynous. On top of this, the person seemed to be vaguely (or maybe not so vaguely) retarded. The overly loud and slurred voice, the unbridled happiness, etc. Yes, all your stereotypical window-licker mentally retarded behavior in one package. That's not what was so notable. It was the fact this person had the worst.teeth.ever. The kind of bad dental work (and the accompanying breath to go with it) that literally makes you cringe. I couldn't help myself. It was kind of uplifting to see someone so excited and happy by just being around some dogs though.

After a while, I'm sitting down on one of the benches, and a lady follows over her dogs that Dak has been playing with. She grabs a seat and the usual dog park chat starts. "Hey pretty dog(s)." "How old is he?" Etc. We're talking about Dak, and how he looks like a lab, but is small for his age. Now keep in mind, I'm not a leading expert when it comes to dog breeds, but this was one of the stupider questions I've ever heard re: dogs. "Is he a Mini-Lab or something?"

Cut to me almost blowing the water I'd been drinking out of my nose. "Ummm...no. He's a mutt, probably mixed with a Spaniel or something." I guess my tone in the response was rather sarcastic since she walked away .185 seconds later with a quick, "OK, bye."

So while I've met and judged people as "Those retards at the dog park," I'm probably "That asshole at the dog park." Strangely, I'm OK with that.

Dogs Are Comedy

So we have our little TerrorPup who's about 7 months old now. Along with walking him at least twice a day and playing with toss with him, etc I try to take him to the dog park or over to a neighbor's house so he can play with other dogs. Since he's such a happy little bastard with other dogs and people, he loves this. Plus it gets him away from the beatings I constantly shower upon him.

The one neighbor that I take him over to the most has a Golden Retriever that's about 100 pounds, at least. So it's always kind of funny to see our 35 pound pup tearing around with this huge beast after him. That's not the funniest part though.

You see, after they've spent 20 minutes chasing each other around, they both kind of flop down just wrestling and jawing at each other. Well the other day I'm sitting there talking with my neighbor while they're going through their usual routine. I look over and Johan (neighbor's dog) is on his back while Dak is on top of him just furiously pumping away at his head. It was quite possibly one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

And I always thought that "getting skull-fucked" was just a saying.

* Ed note - I realize this would be much funnier with a picture, which I will endeavor to capture.

Annnnd...We're Back

So it's been just over three months since I said that I would be posting more, which of course...I haven't. And I really haven't been reading blogs either. It seems that with all the shit that I was doing up until mid July, I just ended up kind of letting it go. Well no more, I will make you all suffer again! With posts and comments on my regularly read blogs. Plus I realized that writing this was sort of fun when I was doing it regular like. I suppose I could have used the draft thingy, but that would have taken some forethought on my part. Anyway, I'm going to start throwing up posts again. You're all so lucky!

To start it off, let's visit me as I work the other day to A) get a dressing down in front of someone of authority and/or B) get a sexual harassment lawsuit initiated against me:

Scene: Accounting office. Clerical staff member, another co-worker and myself.

Co-Worker: Why do you sound so funny when you talk today?

Clerical staff member: I had to go to the dentist this morning. I'm still all numbed up and I have a hard time swallowing so it's like my mouth is always full of spit.

Me: That's noooot spit!

CSM: *gasp* Onthevirg!

And...scene. That's right, bringing the inappropriate to work since 2000!

I'll see you guys soon. I'll probably recounting some stories from the last couple of months for your consideration. Or not, since everyone probably thinks I'm dead and doesn't even bother to read this anymore. *shrug* Whatever.

I'm also throwing in some puppy cuteness combined w/ some of his shenanigans: