Fun With Bums

M & I got these coupons in the mail for free frozen yogurt at a new place opening up near our place. We figured what the hell, leashed up the mutt and walked over there to cash in.

Since I had the dog, we decided she should go in first and claim her prize. I'm waiting outside the store (which is located in a strip mall with a big grocery store and a pharmacy) and engaging the occasional person that walks by wanting to comment on how cute our puppy is, etc. And then a bum strolls up.

Now, as bums go, he wasn't particularly disheveled or oozing the stink of someone who hasn't showered in a long time. He looked like he kept himself reasonably cleaned and attired. Probably in his late 40's, sleeved arms and some neck tats, sort of like a construction guy gone to seed. I figure the guy is harmless and know with certainty I'm going to get hit up for money. Even Dak is wagging his tail as the guy approaches.

"Hey man, you got some change to spare? I need to (fill in the reason)."

"Sorry dude," I reply, "I really don't. My girl and I just walked up here to score some free frozen yogurt."

The guy gives me a semi-hostile look, "You know man, it's really tough right now for me. It's been hard you know?"

OK, this is taking a bit of a turn. "Hey, I'm sure it has. I don't know what to tell you though, I don't have any cash."

The guy turns and starts to shuffle off, mumbling under his breath. As he gets about 6 feet away, he suddenly stops, turns around and says, "You know, it's not easy being a fucking ex-con!"

Uh oh, this is definitely taking a turn and suddently I hear Dak start to growl at this guy. Which he's never done to anyone unless it's part of playing. This is not good.

"Listen man, I'm sure it's not. But I don't know what to tell you," a shrug of my shoulders, "I don't have any money."

"You know, when I was in prison man...people would just do what I told them to do. I was someone that was respected!"

At this point I'm beginning to get pissed off since, from my point of view, he's threatening me. I make sure I'm square to him so there's no surprises. I'm also beginning to wonder how well a punch can be thrown when you're holding on to a dog? Especially one that's starting to get a little wound up. OK, so go with the kick to the kneecap.

"Well sure. And I'm sure you're mighty nostalgic about the forcible sodomy in the shower too. But I told you, I don't have any cash. Now.Fuck.Off!

I'm not sure what he was expecting, but it surely wasn't that. He just stood there for a couple of seconds, eyes wide. Maybe he was just doing the math on whether or not he could get away with trying to beat the shit out of me. Who knows? In any case, he just turned and walked away without another word.

Perhaps I need to take some classes in conflict resolution.

At least the frozen yogurt was shitty.