I chewed tobacco for...oh I don't know, like 16 years before I quit about 6 or 7 years ago. As you can imagine, after being addicted to nicotine for that long, it took a little while to finally get off the schnide. I was pretty damn proud of doing so, and so was M.
Stupidly, I feel off the wagon a little while ago. I was feeling stressed out because of work and school...blah blah blah. The usual excuses that people use when the go back to doing something bad for them that they shouldn't. What happened was I ran into a guy in one of my classes that was dipping and just decided what the hell, I can just take a dip...no big deal. Wrong! Next thing you know I'm buying my own cans and dipping @ school and home @ night when I'm reading before bed. That is until M busted me this week.
Now it's not as if I didn't already feel bad enough about caving in to a bad habit again, but the disappointment that was on her face when she caught me was just crushing. There's nothing quite like coming to the realization that you've hurt and disappointed someone that you love very much. It's just horrible.
Of course, that didn't stop me from making a stupid comment while we were talking about it. She says, "I can't understand why you just didn't tell me about this or why you lied!"
"Well duh I didn't tell you, I knew you'd be pissed! And technically, I didn't lie...cause you never knew about it and there were no questions asked."
Your honor, I rest my case. I really know how to help myself out eh? The lesson, as always, is that I'm an idiot.
But, I'm on day 2 of being dip-free. Again.