Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Where I Might Have To Turn In My Balls

Here's the thing, I'm one of those guys that's not super handy. I mean, I can do basic stuff like mow the lawn, do routine maintenance around the house, etc. But I'm not one of those guys could rewire his house or build an add on to our house. Lately we've been having a lot of trouble with our back door locks and I figured WTF, I'll go buy a new lock set and try putting it in myself.

This weekend I attempted said install. Shockingly, I had actually purchased locks that looked they would be the same size as the old piece of shit ones I was trying to replace. So far so good.

The top deadbolt went in no problem. Believe me, no one is more surprised about this than me. Then came the actual door knob {tee-hee...knob} replacement. I got the old knob out no problem. Here's where it got sideways.

For the life of me, I could not get the two pieces of new door knob to match up for the life of me. I sat there struggling for probably 20-30 minutes trying to get it to go together, the last 10 minutes of that cursing up a blue streak. At that point my neighbor came over to visit the mutts since she heard them out running around. She asked me what I was doing and after explaining to her what kind of a hassle I was running into, she offered to take a look.

She spent about 45 seconds looking at it, she stopped, stood up and laughed. She points at the bolt part that gets screwed into the door, that the inside/outside knobs connect to and says, "You might want to try putting that in, you know, the way it's supposed to go."

Fuck! At least I can take comfort in the fact that my neighbor's a lesbian and she's supposed to know this stuff better than I am anyway...right?


Big Daddy said...

Home improvement projects are never as easy as they first appear. Not even the simplest project. You can almost guarantee that most projects will require at least 2 trips to your favorite home improvement store – if not more. Acknowledgement of this man-law allows you to keep your balls.

Lainey said...

Haaa! At least you didn't lock yourself out while you were doing this. That's something, right?

country roads said...

If, after that, it all went together ok then you're an official handyman. I never have been able to get them together without breaking or losing something at least once.

Mista Jaycee said...

Women are more detail oriented so she saw what you didn't! Done deal! But let's talk about the hand eye coordination! ROTFL!
It's happens to more guys than you think! My Wife has more tools than I ever did! But of course I earn my keep killing spiders!