Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Where Elton John Tells Me, "Wow Are You Gay!"

Last night the prof for my speech class didn't show up. Yay, a free night! After discussing some project stuff that a group of us had been assigned, I rode over to a local joint to have a beer with my buddy B & his wife T. I can tell you, there's a great deal of humor in making fun of bros and in tow bro-ho's. That's a bit off track though, since it's not really the point of my story.

When I got home M and I were sitting on the couch, BS'ing for a while. After a bit I turned on the TV and started thumbing through the HD lineup when I stumbled upon Dancing with the Stars. And went on right past it. That time.

You see, there was nothing else on and when I went back through the channels again, Shannon Elizabeth was dancing. And I got distracted by boobs and legs. In short, I got sucked into...Dancing with the Stars! That's right people, I watched the rest of it, the entire show. I'm so ashamed. I swear I'm never watching it again though (thank you speech class).

So now, I think I need to:
A) Turn in my testicles
B) Lobotomize myself with a power drill
C) Jump in front of a bus
D) All of the above in some order that makes sense.

* Does it help my maimed destroyed hetero cred that I'm saying that I think Marlee Matlin is total MILF material and I'd wreck Shannon Elizabeth? No? Yeah, I didn't think so either.


Anonymous said...

Not only do you have to turn in your testicles but you should apply a belt sander to what remains to remove any hint that manhood used to reside there.

onthevirg said...

Harry - Thanks for the support, it's really appreciated.

TK said...

Harry, if I had to guess I'd say there's nothing there to remove.

country roads said...

baha! I won't even watch it for Shannon Elizabeth... take THAT!

ThirtySomething Kat said...

I'm so disappointed in you, Virg. Just when I thought we were going to have some "hot monkey sex" you go and tell us this. **sigh**

onthevirg said...

TK - As if years of being shacked up weren't enough to do that, now this.

Country - Says "sensitive artist, poetry boy." Eat me.

Kat - That's the most depressing comment yet. {Shakes head} I'm dying a little more inside. This is what I get for putting myself up for ridicule, loss of imaginary hot monkey sex.